Is an untidy house a symptom of having depression? Does not wanting to do the washing up or hoovering mean that your unwell? What about washing yourself? Does it mean that you no longer care if having a shower isn’t high on the list of things to do each day?

The reason I ask these questions is because these are things that I’m struggling to do at the moment. I personally don’t feel that I’m depressed. I am doing things more easily than before and pushing myself to get on with new things too. But housework is something which I just don’t have any energy to do. I just hate it. But I hate the mess too. I feel trapped by both.

I’m also struggling with how disconnected I feel from the world. I’m not sure how to change it either. It’s frustrating. I feel so much better about so much but yet so trapped at the same time.

It’s a really confusing time. Things are better yet there not. Am I depressed or is this a normal feeling that everyone gets? Constantly questioning everything I do and why I think things the way I do. I don’t know if this is a ‘normal’ stage of recovery or whether it’s a downhill turn. It’s scary too because I know how sick I’ve been and how bad it was for my family. I really just want to keep moving forward but this little hurdle seems to have become a major block and I seriously wish that it would just go away so that i can just get on with my life. I’ve stood still for too long and there’s no pause button. The world keeps revolving, days and weeks come and go. The kids are older, I am older and my life is passing by as I sit by watching.

How do you feel connected with the world? How do you make the housework something you are able to do again? How do you get rid of the fear of getting sick again? How do you work out what’s a perfectly ‘normal’ reaction or feeling and what’s something to worry about?

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