Leap of faith

Meeting new people can be a scary proposition for many. The anxiety that can build up inside, the thoughts of previous experiences (good or bad) playing on repeat in your head. Silly worries like what to wear, how you will be perceived by these strangers.

I’m have by nature always been sociable. I like meeting new people, hearing about their experiences, their thoughts and feelings about a variety of topics. With women I have always been more open and relaxed. Men, have always made me feel intimidated.  I’m slowly learning that I have to be just as careful with women as I am with men but that I can also be more open and friendly towards men. Finding a balance is incredibly hard and my mind tends to turn a billion ideas over in a second, round and round.

However, having talked to these two amazing ladies via twitter the idea of actually meeting them has been something that I have wanted to do for ages. It’s taken time to arrange but we finally got it sorted and met up in London last weekend (29/30th Nov).

Meeting the first of the ladies was really nerve wracking. Not because I thought it would be a disaster but more the fact that I was taking a leap of faith in trusting my instincts about someone. I’ve made some appalling errors in judgement about people in the past and I am trying to prove to my husband, that making friends through social media is possible.

I was nervous about what I was going to wear, what I was going to say, whether to hug or not.. So many questions just racing around my head. I was I think more worried that she wouldn’t like me. I was also wondering whether we would get on well enough for the weekend to be a success.

This weekend was going to challenge so many issues. The hurdles to get over, each one scary in their own way.

Meeting V was really scary. I was sober. Not ready and would bring her back to my house. I needn’t have had any fear at all. From the moment I saw her at the train station I knew that the friendship we already have through twitter would now translate into the real world.

Next hurdle to get over…the bus. I’ve not been on one for 18 months and by myself even longer. Have a mixture of anxieties around it. It’s not the worst issue and eventually I know that I can overcome these problems.

I did get the bus and the whole time I was with V.  She held my hand. Sat next too me.. She was just there supporting me. Not judging me. Not laughing at me. Just getting it. I felt safe and that I could achieve anything I needed to during the weekend.

The second lady to meet was B. Again B is a friend from twitter and we talk regularly. I was more nervous about meeting her but there was no need to be. She welcomed me into her arms like a long lost friend. The evening was just like being with two of my oldest friends.

From being complete strangers at the beginning of the year,  the amazing world of social media has introduced hundreds of new people into my social loop some of whom I know in time id like to meet.

I feel incredibly lucky and thankful to the two women I met this time. I was able to be myself and I felt sad when they had to leave.

Meeting in real life was so much better than I had ever anticipated and the friendships I feel are now cemented into real life ones.

It wasn’t only me taking a leap of faith, B and V had to do the same. They had further to travel and I know had many of the same fears that I had. Difference I was in my home town.

It’s a leap of faith that I am glad we all took and I am looking forward to seeing how these friendships grow and blossom.

I feel a sense of accomplishment for taking the leap, for overcoming a fear to get somewhere. For allowing myself the freedom to meet and talk with my twitter friends.

I hope that I can use this experience as one which will allow me to push through other challenges. Face my nerves and know that I can do it.

This weekend has shown me that I am a likeable person, that people do want to be friends with me and that I am good enough to have that. 

I don’t feel like my problems are solved. But I do feel that I’m gaining some strength and a little bit of belief in myself as a human being.

I don’t have a strong family around to help and support. But I have some wonderful friends who have become like my family and I love them as such.

Next hurdle to face….travel 500 miles of so either by train, plane or automobile!! 

Thank you ladies for a wonderful weekend and for making me feel so at ease. I love you both very much and can’t wait for the next time.

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