TRIGGER WARNING – Scars from self harming – Pics towards the end.
Nothing that I like.
My hair is dark colour which when the light shines on it is purple. I like my hair colour. I have an eyebrow piercing on the left side and my tongue is pierced. I have lots of ear piercings too and when I look in the mirror I feel that the desired look is unfinished. I also want to get my lip pierced.
I have a scar on my forehead above my right eyebrow where I had a nightmare and scratched myself. I also have a scar above my lip which is from a fight I got into when I was 13. Took ages to heal and took a small bit from the top of my lip. I also have a birth mark on my forehead which becomes more visible when I am not well, otherwise you can’t see it.
My face is thinner than it used to be and I can see that I no longer have the fat cheeks I did have. But I don’t like looking at myself as I feel that I am really ugly. I don’t wear makeup because I am just not a girly girl, but I do take care of my skin so I don’t look 35 – which i am thankful for!
I used to have no collar bones, they were hidden by the layers of fat that I had, now I have collar bones which kind of sometimes make me feel better about myself, my arms are skinnier than they were and I can see that I have lost a lot of the fat….but then the rest of my body just makes me feel huge. I hate it. I can’t bear to look in the mirror.
My arms have scars from where i have cut and picked. My stomach has hot water bottle burns which are horrible and wont matter how thin I could get, I will never wear a bikini.
These two pics are what my stomach looks like now.
Sorry if they upset anyone…
I hate the way I look. I know I have lost weight, but at the same time I still see a huge person looking back at me. I try to rationalise it to myself, but there is always something which will make me see myself differently.
I admit that I avoid looking in the mirror because I despise what I see. I truly think that I am ugly and cannot believe that anyone would ever be attracted to me. I know I am married, but he never calls me anything nice. He never says that he thinks I am pretty or beautiful or anything. So if he doesn’t why should anyone else think of me any differently.
And now my stomach is so scarred I am ashamed of how I look. I am ashamed of how my arms look with their scars and if we were to go away on holiday it would have to be to a place where no one would need to see me in swim wear – not that I actually have any because I don’t go swimming any more…but its all just too much and I can’t write any more so going to leave it here.