Superficially, I am attracted to the above people. Who knows really what they are like in real life, but to look at them in the films they are in and the pictures that are taken of them. They are aesthetically attractive people.
But I am not a superficial person, and whilst I may be attracted to people in a shallow manner, the fact is that there is a lot that a person has to be in order for there to be an attraction, whether sexual or not.
For me one of the key qualities that a person needs to have is integrity. I am not always very good at sussing this out and believe people are like this when in fact they are not. This is probably partly down to my mental health issues and the experiences I have had growing up. However, those people who I let into my life and consider to be real friends all have integrity.
I have been surrounded by superficial people, lies and betrayal most of my life and they are things which I cannot abide. I despise these types of people because they don’t care about anyone else other than what they can gain from using others.
Having a friendship on a two-way street is an essential part of having any type of relationship. I have found that having a friendship of any kind doesn’t work for me if it is a one way street. Sharing, giving and taking are really important to me. I feel vulnerable when it is me doing the sharing and giving, I don’t feel like the other person trusts me or I feel that I am being used. It can make me feel paranoid and anxious and have begun to find that such relationships create the need for me to build walls up and protect myself. They are not healthy and I don’t like them.
What’s really attractive about a person is their ability to be non-judgmental, open-minded and most importantly accepting. When someone like this comes into my life I am often sceptical at first and take my time to believe that this person is real. In the past year I have met a few people who are like this and have made some good solid friendships. Friendships where I can be myself, they can be themselves and where there is a mutual give and take thing going on.
There are also obviously some less important things, but interests, tastes, beliefs all play a role in whether someone is attractive or not. I do not like selfish people, those who do not see beyond their own world, those who a critical of others or have an over-inflated ego. One of my closest friends turns out to be someone whose personality has developed into someone whom I cannot stand. Being over-opinionated is also something I cannot bear. People who don’t listen and think that they have all the answers infuriate me. Those who meet you for five minutes and have already decided what’s going on and how you are going to deal with things or whatever. People who blow their own trumpet or who attention seek over things annoy me too.
I was thinking about the people in my life that are my friends and it’s a little amusing (to me at any rate). Most of my good friends are extroverts. They are loud and fun, not frightened of saying what’s what and will always be honest with me no matter what. I would consider myself as a little more introverted. I can be outgoing and loud, but generally I am not. I am shy and quiet. I HATE being the centre of attention and will avoid it at all costs. BUT, my husband, he is like me. He is quiet and reserved, he trusts slowly and doesn’t let people in his life easily. It strikes me as being funny because I have these friends who are the complete opposite in many respects from my husband and me…why is that?
Perhaps it is because whilst it is nice to have friends who are loud, bubbly and fun, when it comes to it, I am more quiet and having to be loud all the time is not something I do well with. It’s tiring, I feel like am performing rather than being myself sometimes and just chilling is really nice to do. That said, most of my ‘old’ friends I don’t really hear from any more. The friends I have today are those whom I met last year and have mental health diagnosis. They may be loud and bubbly, but they can also be quiet, happy to stay in and have a cup of tea rather than rushing around and drinking loads. They have also seen me when I have been a bit manic and they have seen me when I have been at my lowest. They accept me for who I am and I accept them for who they are. They do not make me feel like I have to pretend to be someone I am not, they don’t tell me to “snap out of it” or “pull yourself together” because they understand that this is not easily done. They are there for the laughs and good times, but more importantly they are there during the hard times.
Today, having people in my life who understand mental health, who understand me is more important than anything else. Finally I am being accepted by a few people for all that I am. My sexuality, interests, limitations, expectations and most of all for my BPD.