I’ve had my meds, what i am meant to take. Had six cocodamol and a triple shot of some spirit mixed with coke. I should be fucked. I should be fucking asleep, knocked out. Incoherent.
Instead my head is LOUD. Really fucking loud and it won’t shut up. Keeps telling me to take more, drink more, cut, deeper and deeper.
I’ve cut tonight, I’ve taken more cocodamol than i should but it’s not enough. It’s not fucking enough. I’m a fucking failure. No one will listen, no one helps. Night time is the worst time. There’s shadows and noises. Faces and whispers. Hissing loudly. Can’t make sense of them. Distorted and dark. Scary. Don’t know what to do. DON’T WANT TO HEAR OR SEE OR FEEL THIS ANY MORE….DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK I HAPPENING TO ME. My mind is screaming, screaming and screaming. Just want it to STOP….have to make it stop.