It’s really hard to explain or describe how I am feeling right now other than the fact that I dont feel well. My head is a complete jumble and I can’t make sense of anything. It’s not the past causing this either. It’s the here and the now. I don’t feel well because of now. I don’t really know what to do with myself. I am so tired all the time but I can’t sleep well. I have zero energy to do anything at all. I literally cannot read much at all, even writing is becoming harder. I just can’t think straight. I feel so lonely and completely empty. I am useless at pretty much everything. I don’t want to be a mum right now, not because i don’t love my kids, I do love them with all my heart, I just cant cope with the responsibility. I cant handle the bills, the shopping, having to go to meetings. I just feel that I want to stay at home, hide away. I feel like I am a freak. I have moments when i seem to lose touch completely with reality and its scary, I believe that this is what happened when I had the car accident. I want to cut, I want to make myself feel. I just dont feel right now, I feel like I am dead inside. I really dont have a single thing left to give to anyone. I feel like I should perhaps be in hospital now, but I can’t go. My marriage is stressed enough without that being chucked on top and the kids wouldnt handle it very well either. I can’t do it because I care about them and dont want to cause them any more disruption. But i know that I want someone to look after me, to help me. I cant do this….I really cant. I have not felt this unwell in a long time, but I feel like I am getting ready to crash and I am not sure how thats going to look.