There are few words that I can use which can explain the way I am feeling right now. Some of you are not affected by what I wrote and I know you care for which I am incredibly grateful for. Everyday I feel lucky that from the minute I set up my account on Twitter, some one gave a crap about me.
Over the course of the past few months I have been especially privileged to get to know some people really well and to feel that they will be friends with me in real life.
I don’t generally name names, but on today I want to thank them and apologise to them for worrying them so much.
First, @depressednotsad. Thank you for becoming my first real life friend from Twitter. I was so nervous that first day that we met but our friendship has grown from strength to strength and I consider you to be one of my very best friends in the world. I am so glad that we took the plunge and I can’t wait to see you again. Thank you for being there and never wavering in your support. Love you loads, always. xx
@LokisFool – Thank you for being my nocturnal friend! You have made so many long nights more bearable. I would have not got through some of those nights without you and our strange exchanges of the weird and fantastical! I love you loads and hope that one day we can meet in real life and cement our friendship.xx
@vickymummyrc – you are one of the first people I ever really talked to. One of the first people who I opened up to about things. We have had some tremendous laughs and created some fun nights on Twitter which have truly made some of my worst evenings much less lonely. Not only are you my friend on Twitter but you have been there via text and email to offer your support. You have helped me to fight against some of my darkest urges just by keeping calm with that level head of yours. I admire you a lot and am so incredibly thankful that you came into my life when you did. I love you very much and consider you to be my best friend. Just need to meet now! xx
@bdrunner – you have been one of the few males who I have trusted anywhere. Something that you know I find incredibly hard. The fact that I thought you were a woman because of the way you wrote might have something to do with it (no insult intended, love the way you write!) You have become a very dear friend who I trust with so much and I know that you are always there for me with a sensible thought and calm way about you. I really, truly appreciate everything that you have done for me and for the friendship which you have given me. I love you as well and hope that we will one day meet and get that hug!! xx
@rxHappyPills – sweetie, you have become such a good friend even though you are down under, I have no doubt in my mind that if you were in the UK we would have met by now. I can’t wait for you to come over and to give you such a massive hug. Love you loads and am truly thankful to you for talking with me late at night here and for just being a great friend. xxx
There are so many more people who I know I need to thank and I feel terrible that right now I can’t remember everyone’s user names. But to each of you who has ever talked to me, sent me encouragement, dmed me and shared your experiences with me. As I am writing this I wish I could remember you all off the top of my head, but you know who you all are. I think all of you are amazing. You all have your own shit to deal with yet you manage to be there and talk to me.
I also want to apologise to all those people who are worried about me. I have never meant to make anyone care about me, to have them worry about me. I just wanted a place to vent, somewhere to just let out everything which is inside of me. I didn’t ever expect to have people that I would form friendships with, people that would actually give a complete stranger time of day. I don’t want any of you to be scared, I don’t want you to be worried about me. I feel so awful that I have created more stress and worry to any of you.
I wont lie to you, I am considering shutting twitter down because there are times when it triggers me more than anything else. There are other times when it just simply gets too much. BUT at the same time, it is the place that keeps me going. When I am feeling low it is sometimes just one of you who will bring a smile to my face in that day and that alone keeps me going. I feel so lost right now with all I think and feel. My BPD seems to have a life of its own right now and my whole day is like being on a seesaw and it can happen so quickly that I don’t always see it happening.
I love each of you every much and feel truly very lucky to have made such an amazing circle of friends. My door has always been open to anyone in times of need or for a laugh and I have got to know many of you, shared a laugh, a song. These are the small things that have made so many of my days bearable. Thank you, thank you, thank you.