Day 1/30 – Current Relationship

My current relationship is the one which i hope will be my last. We have known each other since we were 14 and have witnessed each others losses and successes. We tried going out when we were 15, but circumstances made it difficult and we decided that we liked each other too much to mess it up and just to be friends. I am really glad that we chose to do that. At 21 we were both married to different people and i had my daughter who was now 3. The previous 3 years we didn’t see much of each other, so we were not so close. However, someone we knew died and my marriage was on the rocks so we started seeing each other again. Talking about the various troubles in our lives. 

His marriage broke down after only a couple of years and mine ended about 18 months later. He was my best friend in the world by this point. He was the only one who knew how shit things were and what I dealt with. I don’t think I would have got through the last year of my marriage if he hadn’t have been there.

I will admit that feelings had started changing during the course of that last year. We had so much in common and by this time we had been friends for about 10 years. We never acted on them and only I ever said anything in a drunken haze. Other than that, he respected that I was still married even though I was miserable. And I wouldn’t have cheated as I believed strongly in my vows that I had made.

When my marriage finally collapsed and my then husband walked out, my feelings were so mixed. But I knew that my best friend would be there. And he was. It was quick between my marriage breaking down and getting into a new relationship. But I knew that I had loved him since I was 15 and he had loved me too. We spent hours and hours talking in those early days and the foundation we had of friendship held firm as we built a life together.

That was 10 years ago. We have 3 children, have moved a few times and had to deal with a hell of a lot. The most recent test is probably the hardest as we have had to come to terms with my mental health issues and addiction. We have had some heated arguments and he has said some hurtful things to me, all of which have been true just hard to hear. However, he has always supported me in my ambitions. He has let me make mistakes even if he has not agreed with my plan. He has seen things I haven’t and warned me that someone was using me and then been there to pick up the pieces when I finally catch on.

The BPD is hard on me, but I know that it is equally hard on him. He says that I have been like this for a long time, so I am guessing that whilst I may have not been in the deep darkness that I am now, I have had symptoms for many years.  He remains loyal, loving, honest and my best friend. I feel lucky to have met him so early in my life and to have had circumstances allow us to have a family and build our life together. He is my soul mate and I know that as long as he is by my side I will  get through the tough times, no matter how tough and that he will be the first person to celebrate my achievements. I am by all accounts a lucky girl!! 🙂

 

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